Validating caring for others

Jamie Goffin, LCSW Recently I was traveling out of state and had tried to use a credit card that I do not regularly use.

When I went to process the card, it was immediately shut down and within seconds I received a text that my card was disabled until I contact my card company to verify my purchase.

At its best validation addiction is needing little “hits” of dopamine to cheer you up.

At its worst, it turns into stalker-like and obsessive behavior (something many guys have a problem with on social media). Most people do not want to admit that they’re “addicted” to something because the word itself has such a negative connotation.

Social media takes this human fixation on validation and ratchets it up to a new level.

You can get “external validation” from your friends on social media…doing absolutely jack and shit.

You probably have emotional bonds with women who don’t contribute anything to your life. You need to break these bonds and severe the cords. If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will get you there.I wrote this in response to a post from David at How to Beast. I’ll tell you what it is: Mainly, you care too much about the opinions of other people. I’ll tell you right now – if you want any shot at “success” or “happiness”, you need to get rid of your addiction to validation ASAP. All of these can be intertwined to create a “ball of yarn” effect on someone’s mind but they are all distinct as well. I want you to think of a place where everyone constantly dresses up and where you can be anyone you want to be. You can post anything you want on there and get 1s, likes, social validation, and all other signs of approval from people…doing absolutely nothing.He has a great post but I’m going to give it my own slant. By the end of this article, you will: If you continue down this path of seeking endless validation…you will be easily used and manipulated by others, no better than a puppet on a string. Superhero, jet-setting billionaire, a guy who gets girls…anyone you want to be. Because of this, social media is much more addictive to women as a whole because generally speaking, attention is more of a catnip to women and women are more social than men.You may think you are getting ahead, but all you’re doing is diminishing yourself. To close, we get to our third source of external validation: mom and dad. Your parents may want another doctor, lawyer, engineer, or so and so that they can brag to their friends about… Seeking external validation from close friends and family members is yet again another disaster. They aren’t addicted to the food, sex, drugs, or blowing racks at Saks. Despite external validation’s ability to give us solid feedback, in our current climate it can certainly be abused. Our current world is an “attention economy”, a place where millions and millions and millions of people, places, and products compete for top-of-mind dominance at all hours of the day.If you’re like most people, you want to make your parents proud of you and impress their friends. Because many of us spend our time on the Internet (and especially on social media), many of us will find that that we participate in external validation culture without even knowing it.

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