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A business that tries to sell useless or damaged things goes broke; a PIR who holds on to useless and unhealthy thoughts, feelings, and behaviors also goes "broke" and risks relapse.The Big Book, page 64, says that "resentment is the 'number one' offender," and that it destroys more addicts than anything else does.There is no right or wrong way to do this Step, and those who work it don't stop to try to figure out why they did what they did--they merely make a list in whatever way works best for them, trying to be as "searching and fearless" as they can be.

Sometimes these Steps take a long time to work through the first time, and because recovery and relationships are ongoing realities, these are Steps that are revisited time and time again.But the Steps are especially useful if you dating a PIR, because the skills you learn from the Steps may be helpful in your relationship.Step Four asks people to make "a searching and fearless moral inventory" of themselves.You may meet your PIR while they are in the midst of working Steps Four through Ten and be curious about what this "amends making" is all about.I was so unfamiliar with the Twelve Steps that I didn't know enough to ask Steve about them or if he had done them.

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